just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found your dick twin last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
