Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
