chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
