It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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