i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
