That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
