Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize