He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
