Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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