You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
