Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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