How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
