return my video game
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize