My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
