You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
