i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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