Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
