Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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