No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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