There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize