Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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