well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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