He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
