I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
