I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
