Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
