The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize