mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
