Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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