I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
