even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
