At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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