Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
