well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
