Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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