hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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