My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
