I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
