I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
