i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
