I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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