and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
