Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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