so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
