before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
