i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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