oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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