I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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