I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
not ubering you a puppy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
