We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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