just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
