God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
