You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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