and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
