I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
