When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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