i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And then my night got REAL pukey
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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