I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize