I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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