We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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