dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
