hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
