I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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