I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
