Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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