im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
