i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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