A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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