When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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